Tak Sedar Diri

Aku kembali menghirup asap-asap putih yang mengandungi lebih 4,000 bahan kimia termasuk tar, nikotina dan karbon monoksida yang membahayakan kesihatan.

Seolah-olah aku tak pernah berkejaran ke hospital selama 3 hari berturut-turut untuk menyedut nebulizer, disuntik steroid hingga kebas lidah, dan telan kurang lebih 15 biji pil setiap hari selama seminggu.

Ya, manusia mudah lupa. Lagi-lagi melayu.
Ya, aku manusia berbangsa melayu. Aku tak pernah lupa itu.

Penat.

Otak, hati, jiwa, tubuh.

Just plain tired.

Seperti mahu terbang. Melayang-layang.
Tanpa arah, tiada tuju.
Biar hanyut.
Berlandas angin, berpaksi udara.


Tolong.

Tinggalkan aku dengan asap-asap putih ini.
Biar aku hela dalam-dalam, puas-puas.
Kemudian hembus kepul-kepul keluar.
Moga semua kusut ikut sekali.


Tolong.

Poker Face

Walaupon aku sangat hebat dalam menunjukkan ketiadaan emosi dan ekspressi muka, aku still tak boleh nyanyi lirik lagu ni dengan betul

can't read mine, can't read mine,
no he can't read my Foker Pace

sigh~

Kepura-puraan (?)

Baru balik dari melantak dengan ofismate and his fam.
He recommend to me this new makan place near his house.
So I went - but same old, same old. Tried the tomyam seafood with nasi putih. Takde kick. I've had better. Way better.

I'm very much particular about food. Tak kisah bayar lebih sikit, as long as the quality and quantity is there. Hingga menjilat jari. Bayar tutup mata pun tak kisah. Tapi time ade duit je la, kalau takde duit, makan megi sudeh!

There's this one particular kedai makan yang aku sangat suka. Situated in S13, Shah Alam (if I'm not mistaken - near the stadium2 tu).

Just a small kedai makan. Memang bukak untuk lunch je kot kedai ni. Specialty - ayam kampung. MELELEH!

Nothing pretentious about this shop at all. Rilek2 je deco, takde over2 meletup ke apa. Ada meja, kerusi, tempat lauk2, tempat buat air, and that's it. Takde lighting gedebang yg kasi TNB kaya. Takde barang hiasan from IKEA. Simplicity at its best.

But the lauks I tell you. Pergh. Tak pernah fail my taste bud!

Ayam kampung goreng tu memang wajib ambil la. Goreng garing to perfection. Rasa cukup2 je. Tak terlebih tak terkurang.

Then ade sambal tempoyak, and other sambals yang sangat lah mengujakan. Addicted.

Gulai, kari, sayur and what-not pon ada. And semua sedap.

Oke enough about this kedai makan. Aku dah lapar balik. Esok kalau rajin mau pergi lah.

Kenapa kalau kedai makan, especially yang baru bukak, mesti nak overly done. Especially the deco.

To attract customers lah kan. Ok fine.

Tapi itu kan kedai makan. Orang nak pergi untuk makan. And most of these kedais semua tak sedap mana pon. Deco je macam istana, tapi warong pak samat nye makanan lagi sedap.

Kenapa tak pentingkan makanan first. Make sure you can maintain the taste and the quality first. Attract customers using the taste, not the sight. Words do get around. Nothing to worry lah.

Eh penat lah membebel yang pointles ni.

Be a Man!

So Kuantan is a no-no this weekend.

For whatever reason. I just don't wanna care. But can't wait for the end of this month. Yeah! :)

Perak, here I come. Makan sedap-sedap.

Sekarang, mari berkongsi sesuatu. Berikut ialah perbualan alam maya antara dua manusia.

Pengorat: ensem lah ko ni

Mous: errrr, gambar je

Pengorat: oklah tu. geram plak

Mous: geram nak buat ape? keke

Pengorat: xde buat ape. cubit2 aje. huhuhu

Mous: sakit a cubit2

Pengorat: sakit2 sedap. huhuhu. boleh jumpe ke

Mous: jumpe lepak2 boleh je. minum2

Pengorat: ooo. ok. selalu lepak mana? lain2 xleh? huhuhuhu

Mous: lain2 tu camne?

Pengorat: mcm ni hehehehe X_X

Mous: hahaha. ape tu. tgk citer horror ke?

Pengorat: xler. mcm ni lah.... bila free

Mous: esok nak pi utara

Pengorat: pastu

Geli bukan? hahaha. Tapi bukan geli-geli tu yg aku nak kongsi.

My point is, nampak apa yg berlaku? si pengorat memulakan perbualan, tapi seperti tiada telur bila seolah-olah menyuruh orang yg dingorat membuat keputusan.

Orang begini harus di ignore.

Kalau nak mengorat, even just for an ONS, come on, jadilah sedikit gentleman. Ambil the first step, second and even third. kalau tak jalan jugak, then bye-bye saja.

What I think he should do is this;
Instead of tanya "bila free", dia sepatutnya tanya "are you free tonight? wanna meet up for a drink or something?"

haa, bukankah itu lebih bagus. nampak lah sikit kesungguhan nya.

ok. ini semua random.

Aku masih perlu mempolish skill mengoratku. Oh, masih virgin. dem dem.

Sigh.

Damn I miss you.

No! No way. You've been doing great. Don't give up now. I know you can do this. You're stronger than you think you are.

You guys are just friends now. Remember that. An acquaintance. Nothing more.

Yes, you've decided to pursue your feelings. But that was before. Now you made another decision, and you have your grounds. So stick to it.

And I miss him too.





Very much.

Terang bulan malam ini. Ewahewahhhh

Aku suka tengok bulan.

Lagi-lagi kalau bulan penuh.

Separa penuh pun suka jugak.

Asalkan bulan bercahaya terang.

Langit malam keliling gelap.

Serene.

Dulu-dulu kalau tengok ke langit nampak bulan penuh, aku taksub.

Dulu-dulu aku sorang-sorang.

Aku akan hantar sms kat siapa2 yang terlintas dalam hati.

"Cantik bulan malam ni"

Just to share with them one of God's finest creation.
To share the feeling.
So they can stop for a second from their busy schedule and look at the sky and just.. be mesmerized.

Dan untuk bagitau mereka, aku ingat mereka kalau aku tengok ciptaan Tuhan yang indah.

Malam ni bulan penuh.

Bercahaya terang.

Langit malam keliling gelap.

But I refuse to gaze at the moon.

Aku tengok awan-awan perang, putih dan kelabu keliling.

And there will be no sms tonight.
Not anymore.
I'm just tired.

This is not a sad ending

I finally called it a quit. There's no point for me to stay if things are not going to be looking any better. I'm just tired. There's only so much issues my mind could take at a given time, and now things are filling up inside.

So, I'm not going to be a slave of my own heart anymore. At least not for the time being. My mind has had enough. I'm emotionally abused, bruised everywhere, the blood is dripping.

It has been a really wonderful experience while it lasted. I don't and I won't regret any second of it. It will remain a sweet - if not the sweetest memory - in me.

Thank you for everything, good and otherwise. For I learned a life's lesson. And I'm growing through it.

My dreams are shattered and my heart is broken, but walk I will and cry i shan't.

I'm so going to miss you. Every single bit of you.

Your voice.
Your touch.
Your sweet little jokes.
Your smile,
and your expressionless face.
Your words,
or the lack of it.
Your little hands and your lean well built figure.
I'll miss watching whatever programmes on tv with you.
Your nescafe suam made for me, though you uses those 3 in 1 packs.

I'll miss you, every single bit of you.

It will take a while for the feelings to subside but I know I'll manage. I've went through worse.

All the best to you. I'll pray for your well being and you will find what your heart desires the most.

And I'll always be here.

This is not a sad ending, just a frustrated one.

What I learned from 19-year-olds

They're full of life, and of love.

Having spent 2 hours in a car ride with them, a young loving couple, they're so enthusiastic about one another.

Questions were asked back and forth and answers were elaborate. Every details are important and nothing were left unsaid.

"Just shut up for awhile, you talk too much"

"We have no kampung already"
"So where do you celebrate raya?"
"At home. The cousins would come over"

"Why do you laugh like a pondan"

"My butt could be a great shield if someone were to shoot me from the back"

"I'm skinny enough the bullet would just go through"

"Are you still going out later"
"Yes"
"Ok. I'm gonna study a bit for tomorrow's test"
"Mandi first k"

I envy them. Of course I find them annoying at times, but I envy them nevertheless.

I'd hesitate even to ask 'what u did last night', or 'what's your plan this weekend'. I'm afraid of knowing the answer. I'm afraid because I would think the person is lying. I'm afraid because I do not want to know truth.

I'd rather be in denial.

I'll think countless times before I even dare to raise up an issue.

I'm paranoid.

I do not know how to be in a relationship anymore.

I do not know, whether or not there should be a line not to cross.

I do not know if telling someone that you miss him everyday is a sweet thing or just an annoyance.

I do not know how to play the game. Anymore.

I flirt well. But I'd fail if it goes to another level.

And liking someone that's so passive, or just not interested enough in you, is not making it any easier.

He's just not into you.

Why can't I just be like them 19-year-olds.

Full of life, and of love.


*because you're old dimwit! Lol

Mukadimah

Jadi, aku menulis lagi.

Let's just hope it'll be for the longer run this time.

Aku masih anak dara sunti (haha) untuk tahun ni. Lebih dari 3 bulan tak merasa nikmat dijamah dan menjamah, tempoh yang agak lama bagi diri aku sendiri. So I doubt I'll write a lot about 'Lust'.

And I'm still single. Single in a sense that, I'm not in a serious relationship. I'm mingling, flirting and what not - yes, especially in the cyberworld. Tapi untuk mencari 'Si Dia' bukan satu benda yang mudah. Jadi aku rasa aku takkan tulis banyak pasal 'Love'.

Ngko pehalllll buat title blog love lust pekajadah tapi awal2 dah buat disclaimer takkan tules banyak pasal mende2 tu. gile publisiti murahan.

Ok. Rilek la encik. Tu nampak 'and things in between' di part belakang tajuk tu? NAMPAK? Haa, bagus. Faham-faham lah sendiri ye.